Aesthetics, References, and Styling, oh my! I Alternative Style Blog

We’ve talked about cultivating a dream style, aesthetic hoping, referencing, and developing a theme through out the last year on this blog. Now? What about pulling different things together intentionally to give a new narrative? Maybe mixing things from here and there to pull together a look that tells a unique story? See, when my brain is putting together a look there is a story forming, Sure, I know what each individual piece is, the style realm in which it came from and what drew me to it. Yes, those are all what drive us fashionably forward. I’m giving cottage core meets steampunk! I’m giving 90’s core and rave fairy! What if you were piecing these different styles together, but creating a scene? I’m not sure what the crossover of people who read this blog and Raja Gemini fans are, but let me tell you. Those worlds are about to merge. So Raja is one half of a Youtube series called Toot or Boot, and that show rates looks from the main stage of RuPauls drag race. You toot the look if you like it, boot it if you don’t. The way Raja goes about describing outfits is something that really resonates with me. Raja is telling you a story, if a look is really giving it they are just taking us on a journey to a new place. A new time!! Truly a moment. As someone who is primarily visual and is also really bad at remembering references on the spot, this is what my brain tends to do.

I’ve always been really into making story boards, collages, scrapbooks-whatever. Visuals, Visuals, Visuals. I love visuals. So when creating a Pinterest board or a style reference sheet I don’t want just “trad goth vibes” at the top. I want it to say “walking across the fog covered dance floor of an 80’s nightclub while blue monday is blasting” because in my head that’s creating a narrative that I’ll deep dive into. 80’s goth, 80’s/90’s leather and PVC, vampy goth, traditional goth, 80’s nightclub, ect. I want to create is something I also hope to embody when I wear the outfit. Victorian goth is fun! But wouldn’t you rather be like, oh? This outfit? I just really wanted to give the feeling of running through my dimly lit mansion, dust and spiderwebs kicking at the feet of my nightgown as I rush down the spiral staircase to see who is at my house at such an hour?! Crimson Peak meets vintage peignoir meets Hitchcock final girl. Paint the picture, live the picture? Is this all too much? Or exactly enough??

As previously mentioned about a million times through my internet presence this year, it has been rough so far this year. Well, actually! It’s kind of turning around. I’m thinking creatively again! Which really helped me get the old “let’s paint a scene with my clothes” kind of brain going again. Here is an outfit I put together last week and the narrative I was going for:

A fashionista vampire who has taken the decades of fashion they’ve lived through and pieces it all together. Or! A mysterious and vampy woman walks past you on the street, she smells faintly of fresh roses and the dirt they were pulled out of. Although it was a quick glance, you can’t seem to stop imaging her. You feel as if you’re seeing her at every turn. Clad in chains and rich velvets, the alluring mixture makes you double take, even when you’re just imagining her. Or!! yet again! 1940’s meets leather and lace goth, meets femme fatal, meets monster high fashion mom. There’s so many different roads in which fashion can take you! Why not try as many as you can! Right now my go to’s are: dark alluring feminine energy, velvets and lace (when is it not that, come on), closet full of forgotten religious relics, and classic Hollywood. Fashion is fun! Fashion let’s us embody a different part of ourselves and then allows us to take it off at the end of the day. If you’re planning a trip, a wedding, a special event, a trip to the grocery store or just a god damn instagram post!! Think of the narrative you want to present, embody and explore! it’s so much fun! Also! The makeup was totally 2010’s goth girl lips meets Tiffany from bride of Chucky. References from everywhere!!

To send feedback or suggestions for upcoming posts contact ally@shopbetenoire.com

Alternative Style Blog l Embracing taking up space

My whole life I’ve been very self conscious of the amount of space I take up when surrounded by others. Be it strangers, colleagues, friends or lovers. Whenever I would catch a glimpse of my reflection while sitting with people, or seeing a photo of myself surrounded by others it would change my mood immediately. The moment of shame and guilt. Self disgust. It could ruin a good time I was having. Occupy my thoughts as people carry on around me. So many things through out my life taught me to detach myself from my physical form, to separate what I looked like from how I am perceived to others. If I let myself realize I’m this big, that if I really do take up this much space, I won’t ever be able to enjoy myself. I’ll never want to engage with people around me. Hobbies and interests will die off. I’ll spend my days wallowing in the pain of facing who I am. 

As someone who has always been one of the biggest people in their friend group, place of employment, family reunions and many other situations -you absorb a lot of negative body criticism. Which can lead to constantly covering up your body, trying to hide it from others. Most of my teens and 20’s were spent like this.

This was all due to surrounding dialogue through out my entire life. And it must be really bad if those I love are saying it to me. Right? My family, my friends, even my romantic partners? They only want what’s best for me, right? That being smaller is therefore being healthier. That being smaller will make people like you more. That being smaller will finally make someone finally love you-therefore you can also finally love yourself.  Is everyone taught this? Has everyone else been told what what is wrong with them, and how to be more appeasing to others?

I remember shortly after getting engaged spending nights worrying about just how big I was going to be at my wedding. Needing to get small, stay small and not stand out too much next to the man I love. Covid short hit after I got engaged, the world shut down and so did I. I never ended up losing that weight I wanted to lose, but I don’t look at my photos in disgust. I see myself in one of the most happiest states of my life. Being surrounded by those I love and adore, not caring what others may think. I can’t believe I can sit here today and say that, I love looking at photos from our wedding. Despite any size I wish I could have gotten to, in the long run it doesn’t matter. The memories and moments created shine so much more in these photos.

Although this is all you know, they want to make sure you realize it’s bad. Maybe you’ve been like this since childhood, you were told you’re taking up too much space and being too big for your age. It just follows into adulthood. Sure, you’re going to the gym and you’re eating a healthy diet. But it doesn’t matter. You’re wrong, you exist wrong. You could change things, and you could take extremes to become the correct version of yourself. Then you’ll not only be who you’re meant to be, you’ll also take up so much less space. You’ll be easier to cater for, because you’re finally exactly as should be. Smaller, thinner, less jarring to look at. Ignore health concerns, even ignore internal digestive track issues. Be in the moment of making sure everyone around you isn’t ashamed to be seen with you. Ignore the brain fog from lack of eating or the shakes from over cardio. It’s all worth it. You’re not taking up all that space anymore. You might be unable to hold conversations from the fatigue of malnutrition, but you’re finally existing correctly. 

This is a world I don’t want to ever go back to, a world where I try to minimize myself. I want to look in the mirror at home like I look in the mirror surrounded by others. Happy to see myself. Enjoying the uniqueness and joy that is me. Have a good relationship with my doctor. Know I can speak to them about an ailment and they won’t make me lose 60 pounds before thinking of doing tests. See more people like myself enjoying and celebrating their existence. I want to feel strong, move my body and be thankful I wake up in it every day. Let myself be embraced by those who love me. Drop the worry of being seen through their eyes. Look back at photos and videos with friends and remember the good times. Not the times I was wishing I could disappear. Be truly in the moment with those I love and drop all self paranoia that someone can’t stand looking at me in this size. Yes, beauty is in the eye of the beholder and everyone is attracted to different things. Drop that notion entirely and just focus on your own relationship with you. If you want to change, don’t go to extremes that leave you worse than before. Do it for yourself, not to make someone else find worthiness in you. And most important, if you’re happy with how you look don’t let someone talk you into changing. Don’t let others tear you down just to build you in an image that’s more digestible to them. Be so authentically yourself that others are drawn to that amazing energy. Embrace it and be thankful you wake up in that body each day. This is something I continue to work on and hope that others realize they’re not alone in.

To send feedback or suggestions for upcoming posts contact ally@shopbetenoire.com

Alternative Style Blog l Enough is Enough

Okay! I don’t know about anyone else, but I’ve spent a lot of my life holding onto large amounts of guilt. Anger. Worry. A foreboding heaviness of dread? Anyone else? Is this an anxiety thing? Is this a grief thing? Is it the weight of the wold resting on your shoulders? Or is it just an unexplainable phenomenon that we’re putting ourselves through? I’ve talked about confidence, reconnection, guilt, and now I’m talking about when is it time to just let shit go!! When do we move on from what doesn’t serve us? As something that I’m trying to actively do I thought I’d talk about it here. I know I’m not the only one who hangs onto things: feelings, clothing, friendships, situationships, grief, makeup, oh the list goes on and on! When do these things need to just be dropped off and moved away from? Well that’s complicated and I know that-but let’s discuss what does and doesn’t need to be kept around.

Are you hanging onto something that just makes you feel bad? But there’s a lot of history to it and it’s just too hard to get rid of? This could be as simple as a dress that doesn’t fit you anymore or a childhood friendship that if you were to meet today it wouldn’t be a thing. The simple answer is: don’t hang onto things that don’t make you happy. That don’t serve you in a positive way. Well we all have things that are complicated, difficult, messy and bring an onslaught of emotions. I have this dress that I’ve had for years, it’s a long maxi dress that’s semi formal, still in my style, yet I’ll never wear it again. I wore it to my mothers funeral, so it’s that dress forever. Also at the time it was too long for me and got ripped up all over the shoes I wore that day. So it’s damaged and likely to never be worn again. Do I get rid of it? Do i finally move on so every time I see it in my closet I don’t have to think about that day? That was also the day I stood up in front of many loved ones and expressed how much I loved my mother. How much she meant meant to me. I was able to tell a room full of people she was so beloved by how special she was. If it won’t be worn again, why keep it? Should I wear it again? Should I repurpose it and make it something special? There’s so many options.

One of the most dreaded and loathsome conversational pieces I hate to hear is: “I just don’t understand….” “I could never….” “People who do that, I just don’t get it….” when it’s something so very minor. Style, career, attitude, choices, the list goes on. Yes there are grey areas in all aspects of life and some things that I would never do, but why use such a hard definitive statement to someone wearing an outfit that you wouldn’t pick. Someone’s wedding theme. Someone’s home decor. Someone choosing to leave a career field they’re killing it in. Sure we may al say something to that level in passing, but I’m talking about the people who want you to agree. Who state at you like, don’t you agree? They repeat themselves as if you didn’t hear them and then give an onslaught of judgement. These are the kind of people where I think, wow, is it time to move on? Now family is difficult and we all have very personalized and complex relationships when it comes to family. Some choose to grin and bear it, some cut others off completely, some just say hellos at holidays. But what about the chosen people in your life? Do they no longer resonate with who you’ve become over time? Always combat you with an argument, but it’s okay because of the history? If you’re keeping someone around in your life that doesn’t serve you in any way, but dread - why keep them in your life? Sometimes it helps to make a list, sometimes it helps to just cut off the relationship and move on. This sounds harsh at times, but at the end of your entire life who are you spending each day in and out with? You. If this person is causing you absolute unnecessary stress and at the end of your day you don’t need them to survive-what’s keeping them around?

I feel like a lot of my writing this year has turned a bit darker. Much more about really trying to grasp at the straws of reconnecting! Of feeling like you belong and knowing your worth! Which is something I’ve always really tried to implement in my social media presence, but for the first time in a long time I feel like I don’t mean it. I want to, don’t get me wrong! But I’ve been holding onto a lot of heavy weighted events in my life that are just isolating me. Keeping me pinned to this feeling of being lost. Not knowing who I am. Joy being harder and harder to find within myself. I’m so sorry for those who may have gotten the effects of this from me. I think it’s time to just finally let some of the things I’ve been tightly holding onto go.

Trigger warnings ahead: miscarriage, blood loss, surgery, loss of pregnancy, mental health issues

Christmas of last year I found out I was pregnant. My husband and I had been trying for a short time and were so completely overjoyed it happened so fast. Being as someone who doesn’t have either of my parents in my life still I wanted to still get that feeling of telling family-so I told all my closest friends straight away. We went to my husbands family for that holiday season and yes it was way too early to tell anyone, but come on. A Christmas baby announcement? Sounds like a fucking hallmark movie. My first trimester was incredibly difficult and I was in a very low depression due to it. My husband and I both were really going through the ringers from it. Me physically and mentality, him feeling completely helpless. As the second trimester crept close I started to get mixed signals from the OBGYN and worry set it. For our first ultrasound right at the start of the second trimester we found out that I had a miscarriage early on, so no baby had ever formed. This was a shock and devastating, but we were hopeful to continue on. The day after the ultrasound I woke up around 3am to incredible pain and massive bleeding. Due to an early miscarriage in the start of the pregnancy this meant that I had only partially miscarried and now my body was finishing the miscarriage. I won’t go into the details, but two emergency room visits, an ambulance ride, blood transfusion and emergency surgery later I was home. Ever since this has happened I feel like a part of me has never truly recovered. Part of me was left back in 2022 even. The part of me who was fearless, unstoppable and the person I always wanted to grow up to be. Now I am scared, weak, defeated and at times feel like a shell of who I know i can be. I’ve been seeing my therapist a lot this year and I’ve been trying to work on myself. Due to my weakened immune system when I get sick this year I get VERY sick. I’ve had a few illnesses since everything and they set me way back. Fear grips me more than I’d like to admit. By writing this down I hope to also let some of this fear go. I know it takes so much more work than that and I am trying to do it. Believe me! I want to capture what took me years to cultivate. Self worth. Self love. Self acceptance. So please, life is so incredibly short. Unpredictable. Insane. Unexpected. and not guaranteed. Enjoy it. Let the things go that need to be let go. Stand up for yourself and what you need in order to survive. Live for you! Live authentically as you! I’m going to really try and keep this in the forefront of my thoughts from here out. Let go of some of that fear, frustration and expectations of myself. I hope if you’re holding onto anything like that you do as well.

To send feedback or suggestions for upcoming posts contact ally@shopbetenoire.com

Alternative Style Blog l Feeling Vampy?

Planning a gothic wedding for 2023? Have an elevated halloween party you’re going to? Or just want to overall vamp up your formal wear? Let’s talk about some different fun types of vampire inspired themes that could be planned. One of the best things about a dark romantic and possibly vampy themed outfits is that you can incorporate lots of different eras or aesthetics. Vampires are timeless! Immortality means lots of eras to explore. Sure, there’s the super gothic theme, which is just a go to. A staple really! But what if you wanted a twist? What if you explored different eras/styles, but make it vampy!

Whenever I think of glamorous vampires, I don’t know why, but I always go to the 1920’s. Something about the raging 20’s, art deco and vampires seems so exciting to me! I’ve made a simple mood board to give off that raging 20’s vibe:

Marley Gown

$1,598.00

I think the perfect vampy, glamorous 1920’s gown would be the Marley gown. Now the silhouette isn’t 1920’s but come on. Combine all these elements with the Marley gown?! Enough is Enough!!! Or the Shirley Gown? With the DeVille Shrug with a simple, but elegant slip underneath for the reception? Editorial 20’s inspired dark vampiric wedding theme?! A wedding to remember!

What if you went with a little 80’s vamp? A little Elvira? A little Siouxsie Sioux? Punk rock, meets trad goth, meets dark rockstar glamour! Punk rock vampire meets formal wear?! I mean come ON. This would be beyond epic. I present the following mood board, but please put on blue monday to fully soak in all vibes.

This is such a classic vamp go to. Lost boys much?! I have always wanted to have an 80’s goth prom themed wedding. Now add vampires to that mix?! I know what I’m doing for my vow renewal party one day! Too good. Now I feel like there’s two very different go to’s for this theme. The first is the ICONIC munstar gown. It gives elvira. It give HVIC (head vamp in charge). Clearly it gives an even more gothic Lilly Munster. Or you could go full blown opulence and go with the Beau Deuil gown. Big Hair, Big Dress, Big Entrance! Yes that all needed to be capitalized! It’s a statement! Traditional goth makeup with that dress? Big traditional goth hair?! Iconic doesn’t even cover it!

Beau Deuil Gown

$1,398.00

Now we’ve talked about how the Rhiannon Gown is the staple of all staples in a southern gothic setting. Add some vampire teeth and you’d be the queen of all the vampires on true blood! So I’m going to pass that one and go straight to a mystery novella vampire theme. This is a bit victorian, a bit crimson peak, and a whole lot of gothic romance thriller! It’s an older time period, but somehow feels like it could fit in any era? To me at least. I’m thinking cascading down a stairway holding a lit candelabra? Possibly in the mansion you’re searching around in during the deep of night? Or at least that’s the picture you’re trying to set for everyone who lays eyes upon you.

Hail Mary Rosary Necklace

$48.00

Apparition Gown

$549.00

This is old hollywood, this is vintage final girl, this is timeless gothic noir beauty at it’s finest. Makes me think of all those french vampire movies from the 70’s! Who' doesn’t want to feel like a hollywood starlette trying to conceal her vampire secret?! That whole mood sounds like a fantastic dinner party theme as well. Just imagine showing up to said vampire party wearing the Apparition Gown? It’s all things gothic and classic rolled up into one delicious dress. Could be worn with a statement necklace or a simple rosary to really change the level of stardom this vampire has found themselves at.

I’m always a fan of a secret theme or just a full blown in your face theme. I’m also a big fan of vampires! Please keep in mind that we do custom dresses as well, and we have been known to make them for the infamous vampire ball’s held around the united states. Just saying! If you’ve got a totally different concept you’d love to see come to life for the perfect vampy look of your dreams-well! Bête Noire is here to make that happen!! So next time you sit down to plan your dark romantic gothic wedding and open up our website to shop-just think? What era of vampire would I be best for?

To send feedback or suggestions for upcoming posts contact ally@shopbetenoire.com

Alternative Style Blog l Delusion, but it didn't work Pt2

So! The follow up to delusion week! Well, let’s just say I was delusional to think that was going to work. I woke up last Thursday to my cat cuddled neatly in my arms and thought, damn. I’m not going to get up. I’ll work out later today. Then after a long day at work and a long commute home, my ass wasn’t in the mood to be delusional. I felt so bad, so disappointed. So I extended my timeframe. Okay! I’ll start fresh on Monday and just carry this into the next week! Talk about how it’s going! Well, guess what happened? Delusional I may be, but not in the I’m the best version of myself and got my shit together. Delusional as in, dude. Why do I set expectations for myself constantly too high? I know if I fall flat I’m just going to sit in this self loathing state of mind that will be so hard to shake. I spoke about the pressures of social media and how it can mess with our own self worth, but if you’re like me, this goes way further back than my existence on social media. This is something that’s always been here.

The pressures of being the best version of yourself is difficult. Family breathing down your neck, someone possibly succeeding in a field you’re barely getting by in, a slip up in a small interaction that leaves you feeling wilding embarrassed. You know? All the things that keep us up at night when we’re just trying to fall asleep. That small sliver of time where you’re like tomorrow I’m going to do that, this and the other thing that I keep putting off and change my whole life. That’s the true delusional hours of our lives. Mine always consist of going back to the gym, not eating food that makes me sick, getting rid of 75% of my belongings and possibly making long overdue phone calls to people I’ve lost touch with. The next day comes? Have i done the things that seemed so easy in those delusional hours? Nope. Do I feel racked with guilt? Yup. Is it an unbreakable cycle? I’m not sure. There’s been large life events that i’ve faced that temporarily allowed me to let things go, but somehow I always find myself back at all the same points of self guilt. Thinking what I could have done to change my life, or what I should do to change my life. Never, oh, I think I’m doing alright. What’s that ancient wise saying? If you’ve got one leg in the past, and one in the future, you’re pissing on the present. Well, that’s kind of how I felt about delusion week when the guilt started to settling in. Why am I beating myself up so badly about this?

My schedule doesn’t allow all the insane things my brain just instantly wants to do. ADHD mixed with instant gratification addiction is not a very good combo. (I recently read my entire birth chart, and let me tell you, this shit was written in the stars from the moment I was born) Dopamine hits and the aftermath of whatever helped to get it, man. I don’t love that cycle. What does this have to do with delusion week? Oh yeah, the gratification I got from just thinking I could do it. How much better I was going to feel. Sometimes I feel like we’re addicted to just thinking about how much better we’re going to be. It’s like how much fun is it to buy all the stuff for the hobby VS sitting down and actually doing to hobby. The delusion that we can be better dominates our acceptance to our flaws. Actually ditching delusion week altogether made me really think about what I am doing currently in my life, and how I’m not appreciating it. I’m just thinking about what I should be doing instead so I can be proud? it’s a damn cycle! I’m going to try and break that! I need to, I really do.

So! Here’s some things in my current week to week life I’m very proud of. I have a dedicated cleaning day! It just kind of happened really, every Sunday I tend to want to clean and pick up the house. Let me tell you, I am not a clean and tidy person. I live in constant chaos. It’s been an issue my entire life, but somehow without setting out to do it-writing it down and planning on it-I’ve created a clean day. I’ve also been cooking a lot of new stuff lately. Trying to up the protein in my life, eat better, but I didn’t set a Tuesday’s and Thursday’s I do this now! I’ve just been doing it. I’ve been sewing a lot lately, I mean a lot! I haven’t been posting about it or styling it as often, but that doesn’t mean I’m not doing it. Also my sewing skills have greatly improved since last year. That was my own work going into it, not me sitting down and being like-okay this time next year I’m going to be able to do this kind of stitch. It’s just happened. Sometimes we want to live in that “what could I be if I just got my shit together” headspace, instead of, let me reflect on how much I have grown.

roughly 3 months after my mother passed thinking I will never get out of this hellscape that is life. Constantly thinking to the future and what I should be doing for things to get better.

The latest picture of myself. At the zoo with my husband, enjoying some beautiful weather, a 3 day weekend and just existing.

I’ll leave with this, years ago when my mother died I was distraught. Lost. Completely a mess. I worked an incredibly hard job, had some of the worst ongoing health issues I’ve ever had, dealing with cleaning out my mother’s home. It was A LOT. When I would go to therapy I would talk of the future a lot. Well by this time, by that time, when this is over, all that kind of stuff. My therapist pointed it out to me once and she said our minds can be like three lakes. There’s a lake of what has happened, what’s happening now, and what is coming ahead. I keep trying to swim to what’s coming ahead, but I’m pushing against a current that’s not meant for me. We need to live in the present. We need to take care of what’s going on now. Here I am 5 years later, in a beautiful home, a new career field, a wonderful partner by my side. All of these things were once in that far away lake i couldn’t swim to. Now they’re my what’s happening now lake. Why be delusional to what we could become, when we aren’t even appreciating what we’ve gotten through. If you were hoping for a great up to date delusion week blog, dude, i’m sorry. This did make me sit back and realize I’m not determined by what I should be doing, and I should stop trying to cross into that other lake so often.

To send feedback or suggestions for upcoming posts contact ally@shopbetenoire.com

Alternative Style Blog l Delusion, but make it work Pt1

Some say delusion is a bad thing, well, most say that. Being delusional isn’t really highlighted as something that benefits our lives. It’s something that generally hinders it! But! Awhile ago I saw a trend going around on tiktok of “delusion week” and I’ve really been wanting to try it. Now? Ally? Is delusion week safe? It sounds, well, delusional. Delusion week was founded by Danielle Walter on tiktok and she stated it as “where I hijack my free will and do what the hottest, most successful version of myself would do.” Being delusional in all the best ways! Delusional to knowing you wouldn’t actually do the things we all lay in bed at 2am thinking we’re going to start tomorrow. Change our lives in the morning! Be the person we all know we’re going to start being as soon as that thing that’s in our way will stop being there! The capricorn in me was delighted and excited as the prospects of delusion week, like? 2 months ago. In reality, life just gets in the way! it’s so hard to be that super go getter, get’s all their shit DONE type of person. I know so little few that actually are those people, and I’m sure if you asked them what their secret is they would be delusional to how much they actually get done!! We’re never getting enough done right?! Well! I want to try this delusion week and report back to what I found works, doesn’t work, and is it truly delusional to try and be that hotter, most successful version of myself that I crave to be! But first, let’s talk about the pains of social media making us think we never do enough!!

Pick your favorite social media go to app, I don’t care which one, and it’ll show you people who have their shit together. Tons of them! Clean house, perfect skin, successful job, amazing style, stunning photos, a sense that they just really know who they are and all that comes with it. Is it all true? That’s up for debate and we all know it. As someone who has been putting whatever the hell my brain is interested in showing to the world on social media for years now! I’ve had my fair share of people who think I in some sense have it all together. Whichever category they may feel like they lack in, I am somehow just killing it. Or! They’re trying to do more of that thing, can’t seem to find the motivation, and whenever they see a post from me it’s a reminder. I am only using myself as an example to further how I do NOT have it all going on. I can’t speak for anyone else who’s putting themselves out onto the internet other than me. Believe me, I do not have it all together. I feel like more than ever that’s super clear right now. I’m barely present on my socials, randomly posting with no clear pattern anymore, long pauses or breaks and just generally retreating from it all together. Last year Ally on the other hand, well, that bitch seemed to have her shit together! I was posting all the time, working with more brands, making specific styling videos, man! I had tons of interactions with people and conversations! Wild! But believe me, it was not all together. I’d say it was the most together I’ve had it in my life since a long time, but overall, still very far from what I’d consider successfully all together. My house is generally a mess, tons of half started projects piling while I buy supplies for the next hyper fixation just to abandon both in a month for something completely new, and, well, I talk too much. As we speak you’re in a run on thought that has no clear end in sight! I’m a mess!! I just like putting myself out into the world when I’m feeling creatively charged! Now that it’s gone a lot, man. I feel like a mess. I sit here and write this at my kitchen table covered in stuff I needed to put away two weeks ago! I do not have it all together, and that is OKAY! No one has it all together all the time, I don’t care what social media shows us. It is just not possible

Life is insane, beyond insane! And we’re only here for a blink in the grand scheme of things. Why do we get so hard on ourselves when we’re not using all the potential we possibly could be using. Well, go back to the first statement. Life is insane! Things come up, circumstances change, and the burn out of the surrounding world outside of our control can be heavy. Add mental or physical health issues on top of that, responsibilities outside of ourselves, weather! surrounding environment, and the list could go on. I’m sure you get it. We can’t be at maximum potential all the time. It’s easier for people online who are being paid to show you that they are then for regular folk to be doing it. That’s why I want to try delusion week. What the hell would my week look like if I did wake up early to do that thing, if I did force myself to go to the gym at this time, if I actually meal prepped for the whole week! Small things we all think will change our lives, but will it? Does it? Or are we making this a daunting task to hold over our heads to keep us in a state of “i’m not good enough” syndrome. That’s what I want to know. So! starting Thursday May 25th-Thursday June 1st I am entering a state of delusion. Here’s what my plans are for the week:

Thursday/Friday:

-Work out 15 minutes in the morning
-Shower, Morning Skincare, Make Breakfast
-work break-
-Make Dinner/Clean up after I’m done!
-Minimum work of 30 minutes of creativity
-Full night skincare routine

Saturday-Tuesday:

-Work out by 9am each morning
-Shower, Morning Skincare, Make Breakfast
-At least 1 full hour of cleaning/home organization
-At least 2 hours of sewing/creativity
-On monday or tuesday meal prep for week ahead
-Full night skincare routine

Now there is a small thing here or there that applies for each day, but! this is the general outline. I work from home Monday's and Tuesday’s which allows me to work on stuff at my house. Which is great, because I am currently trying to finish going through my entire clothing collection, making deeps cuts, getting things donated or listed to sell and finish organizing my closet. That all applies to the satuday-tuesday line up, but! I’ll recap it all during next weeks blog. I’m going to attempt to make a daily tik tok along with this damn thing. No, I AM going to make one. I’ve been wanting to get back into creating content and the best time to do that is DELUSION WEEK. Being delusional to my most successful, hottest version of myself includes making content. I’m also going to attempt to look cute each day. Maybe not going out to dinner at a fancy place, but not walking around in the same house shirt for 3 days straight kind of cute. Also doing my hair and makeup for work, something I’ve only recently gotten back into doing. I kind of lost sight of who I was completely for a section of this year. I’ve slowly been making my strides into connecting with myself, but let’s get delusional about it. Who would this hot, successful Ally be? Well, stunning makeup. Nail DONE! Closet CLEAN! Good meals made, not just half assed thrown together meals. Making my coffee everyday instead of buying it. These are the small, delusional things I’d like to be doing. So check back next blog time to see how it goes! Follow me on tiktok (@allymayhem) to see the delusional days look like. Biggest thing, is it possible? Can we be those super enhanced versions of ourselves that we wish we were while watching others on social media do it. Or is life just simply in the way too much and it is all a delusion to be that perfect all the time?

Will I be serving the best version of myself all week?

Or doomed to fall back into habits of inactivity? (aka, taking long naps with beeble at my side)

To send feedback or suggestions for upcoming posts contact ally@shopbetenoire.com

Alternative Style Blog l Confidence is Key!

Being someone who puts out content on the internet semi-casually, I think I come across as a confident person? But, as you can see from me just questioning that assumption at all! I am not as confident as I can look. There’s highs and lows that life throws at us that waiver our confidence. Other people can cause us to be more or less confident. Hell! Society in all its insane standards for beauty (that are typically used just to sell us things!) is constantly telling us we aren’t good enough. Yet we are? The body positivity movement is one I’ve been watching grow and change since the tumblr days. Body positivity has grown into an all out brawl at times between body types. I’m happy to see it’s slowly turning into body neutrality. We just have bodies okay!? They’re all different and fictional. Clearly my confidence mostly lacks in the area of my relationship with my body. I’ve been talking about confidence only in terms of looks! Confidence, and possible lack of it, can show up in all different parts of our lives. So let’s talk about it!!

So I brought up how events in our lives can waiver our confidence. Maybe a change in careers, dating after a recent break up, learning a new skill, going to a new area, working on communication skills, and just a hell of a ton of stuff!! It’s insane. Since having some health scares this year I’ve been lacking confidence in all parts of my life. Just being shaken up can make you lose a grip on who you are! And therefore what you think you’re good at. I grew up with very low self esteem, and very low confidence in almost every aspect of my life. The thing was, this all showed up the second I would walk out of the house. When it would just be me in my room, man. I thought I could do anything! What changes? Well that’s the thing, what others will think will cause that doubt. But what if you could turn that off? Wondering what others would think? Would the confidence suddenly flow? I think it’s different for everyone. I started reading “The Confidence Gap” by Russ Harris and it’s really made me realize just how many parts of our lives is influenced by our own confidence. (Basically all of it!!) and he has a whole second on things to ask yourself. Here’s a few that stood out to me. 

This ally lacked the confidence to become a better makeup artist. I would feel amazing in the moment, snap a picture, and then immediately second guess my capability in makeup. This would lead to spiraling and lack of feeling like i’d ever grow in that skill.

In a world where you had more confidence: 

how would you behave differently? 

How would you walk and talk differently?

How would you talk to yourself?

How would you treat your body?

What would you stop doing?

There’s a ton more! There’s so much interactive confidence work in this book. This really points out, wow! If I had more confidence how would change these aspects of how I function?? Would I be totally different? Or just be same old me? I’m currently working on a little self help notebook and throwing stuff from all over in there, including some of these! So, here’s some of my answers:

How would you treat your body?

I would appreciate the fact that I’ve still got it! That I get up in the morning! I would focus less on the parts I didn’t like, realize all our bodies look differently. Age differently! We aren’t meant to look the same forever! I would also just dress my body however the fuck I wanted. Clothing is universal, fashion isn’t just for smaller bodies. I’m fine with that 🙏🏻

This ally lacked confidence in her style. Although I was starting to get dressed up more, I was always making sure to hide the parts I didn’t like.

What sorts of things/hobbies would you start doing?

I would confidently put out more content! I’d work on longer content platforms. Possibly make YouTube videos, actual tutorials, and explore avenues that are completely different. I wouldn’t get discouraged when numbers are low. And I’d just enjoy the process of making the content instead of waiting to see how it’s performing. 

What would you stop doing?

I’d stop doubting myself when getting into new projects. I’d also stop getting into new projects all the time! I’d follow through the ones I started, learn from my mistakes and realize we aren’t all perfect at something. Especially right away! I’d also stop avoiding getting to know people. I’d reach out to those I’ve lost touch with. Avoidance of communication, I’d just throw that out the window. Confidently approach people. 

Confidence is all over ours lives, and it’s also a life long practice. Sometimes the most confident seeming people are shaking in their boots as much as you. Stop wondering what others will think and just do the damn thing!! People will be more wowed by the confidence they wish they had than the outcome of whatever you’re working on. And at the end of the day you’re working on it FOR YOU. I write all this for myself as much as anyone else. 

To send feedback or suggestions for upcoming posts contact ally@shopbetenoire.com

Alternative Style Blog l Let's Get Textural!

So you’re into fashion and you’re into glamour! You’re here, so you must be a bit interested in it?! I’ve recently gotten back into sewing and wow. All I can think about it textures!! So let’s talk about it! Textures bring out so many different feelings. Desires! Scenarios! I mean at least that’s what happens when I look at textures. Let’s talk about lace. Black lace is and has been one of my all time favorite fabric types since?? Well?? I think going on 10 years now? Probably more. Black lace to me is rich, feminine, powerful and enticing. When I see an outfit that’s 80-90% black lace I just imagine someone walking slowly and there’s just puffs of soft mist pooling around their feet at all times. It feels eternal. 

Marley Gown

$1,598.00

Textures can feel regal! One of my favorite gowns from Bête Noire is the Marley Gown. The mixture of satin and dark rich florals, with a hint of glamour from the shine of the beadwork. I’m immediately drawn in from the mixture of textures, and then to be accompanied by the mermaid silhouette?! Rich! Regal! Divine energy! These are all such amazing textures all brought together to create a statement. Textures do just that, they create a statement! Be it for your wedding day, special occasion, or just shopping for groceries. Making a statement always feels good. 

So, going back to sewing! I’ve been really drawn to sheer fabrics lately. Chiffons, mesh, lace with large gaps between the pattern, anything that allows for that glimpse of skin. I love all these fabrics and their varying levels of opaqueness when draped. I’ve been doing a lot of gathering and shirring in my personal sewing, and wow. These types of fabrics draped, ruffled, layered, whatever! They feel feminine to me. Now feminine isn’t a must with fashion! But I’ve been really wanting to tap into that for myself. So draping sexy sheer fabrics along my body sounded amazing! Here’s a little WIP for a top I’m sewing. I’m hoping to get more pieces done and write all about those soon.

This white satin lace line top I recently made, paired with the faux fur?! and the pearls?!? and the chain belt?!? I mean this is a texture-gasm

I’ve been shirring tops and gathering different fabrics in my home sewing recently. Playing around with shapes and seeing what I like best.

When it comes to clothing I feel like sometimes we give up textures for comfort. Which is alright! But next time you have a really special event going on (or want to treat yourself to something special just cause) - I urge you to just think about what different textures in fashion make you think of. Maybe toss aside your go to and try something different. Don’t always go for velvet? But love the look of it? Try it out!! Scared to try chiffon? But love how it looks on other people?? Throw care to the wind and get something that flows in abundance of the stuff!! Also! If you’ve got a dream dress in mind, but notice that we don’t feature a dress in that desired texture…don’t worry! Custom dresses can be made in all sorts of fabrics! Let’s work on those texture goals together!

To send feedback or suggestions for upcoming posts contact ally@shopbetenoire.com

Alternative Style Blog l Femme Fatales Only

So you know how obsessed I am with anything that The Glam Goth X Béte Noire puts out. It’s always high quality, incredibly well made, amazing design and GLAMOROUS! Well all that applies to the newest pieces of the ever growing collection. Everything is a must have, because, wow. WOW! just wait until you see it all! This is going to tap into your inner goth trophy wife status and get your closet to a whole new level. There’s a bolero, skirt and a new necklace. All together it makes an incredible outfit! Heads will turn, possibly all the way way around. Here’s my thoughts on the fit and all the new ways I’m going style these.

The first item is the Lilith Lace Shawl and my god! I can’t begin to tell you how much I love this!! I’m wearing a 3X and it fits perfectly. The lace has a good amount of stretch to it, but doesn’t get all itchy once stretched out. I hate when I get a nice stretchy item and as soon as it reaches a stretch limit it becomes uncomfortable. Not the case at all! I also carry a lot of weight in my upper arms and stretch lace can sometimes dig into the skin too much, again, not at all. Stays very soft and doesn’t make my arms chafe at all. The clasp at the neckline is a beautiful and really adds a victorian/elegant feel to the piece. And i mean come on, the sleeves?? What glamour goth doesn’t love a big bell sleeve?! I can’t wait to pair this with some wiggle dresses for spring, some black shorts and a harness in the summer and an full length velvet dress for fall. It’s so light and really dresses up anything you pair with it, easy addition to anyones closet to really show people you know how to throw together an oufit.

The next item is the Countess Cortskirt and COME ON!! it’s just so STUNNING!! I love this skirt so much! The fit is just incredible! The material itself is a stretch velvet, which really just allows it to hug the curves perfectly. The waistline is much more fitted with a zipper along the side, so it really hugs the waistline. It doesn’t dig into the waistline, it’s a nice snug fit-pair that with the stretch velvet and it really just hugs at all the right spots. I’m wearing a 3X in the skirt and it’s a perfect fit. My waistline is typically 7-9 inches smaller than my bust and hips, so to have a skirt really tuck in at the waist, not be uncomfortable and cinch me in!? Okay, yes thank you. We haven’t even talked about the corset back! Oh my goth! it’s just so perfect! One of my favorite things about the corset back too is the fact that you can remove the string. Sounds niche, but dude. I can’t stand when an item sews in the string on a corset style lacing. what if I want the bow at the top? what if I want it at the bottom? what if I want to shorten it? Perfect solution? Make it removable, so thank you! Such a good feature. Also for as curvy as I am, I don’t have the fullest butt. The waistline does most of the job, but damn! The skirt makes me feel like I’ve got a dump truck back there! I don’t care if skinny is back or not, I want to be curvy and have plenty of T&A. The skirt has two lace panels at the bottom for some amazing peekaboo action, and really just adds to the victorian vibe the top was giving off. Can we say victorian baddie? Because that’s how I feel. The skirt is long on me, I’m 5’4” and it drags, but! that leaves room for the platforms! i wore about 5” platform boots under the skirt so it just hit the floor at that length. So I see it as a plus, but also a minus if you’re short and don’t want to wear platforms all the time with it. Nothing a simple hem couldn’t fix though.

The final piece is the Medieval Rosary, and oh my god. If you know me I LIVE for a rosary moment. They are all over my house, I wear them all the time, the Hail Mary Necklace is one of my favorite go to accessories in my jewelry box. Now this?! A heavy metal feeling rosary? SIGN ME UP! This is so beyond stunning! I want to pair this with an 80’s biker look, a fetish nun look, and a 90’s slip dress look. There’s just so many different goth sub-genres that this necklace would fit into!! I can’t see how anyone wouldn’t want to just swipe this up. You know the quality is there! You know the craftsmanship is there!

This new collection is just so incredible, fits wonderfully and could really get paired with so many things in any ghouls closet. I’m so excited to pair these with lots of looks this year!!

To send feedback or suggestions for upcoming posts contact ally@shopbetenoire.com

Alternative Style Blog l Reconnecting and it feels so weird?

So I saw this video on tiktok a few weeks ago and I thought, wow! What a good way to see just how much our brains can trick us into thinking we’re just not it. This girl had taken photos of herself when she felt ugly, and she had also taken photos of herself when she felt beautiful. Once comparing themselves to one another she realized so much of it was in her head. The photos had little to no difference! I thought that was just such a powerful realization, that sometimes you need to take that step back and realize. Woah. Some of this is in my head. So that’s what I had planned for this week. I was planning on taking photos of myself when I felt my best and my worst-then I was going to compare them. Talk about what I felt at the times of the photos, and what I learned. I took one photo of myself and quickly realized, wow. I don’t think I feel anything. Good, bad, ugly, beautiful? Nothing. I feel more disconnected to myself than I have in years right now. 2023 hasn’t been my year YALL. The last thing on my mind is my appearance. Which is both a good and bad thing. I don’t recognize the person I’m staring back at in the mirror. I don’t see me. So! What I wanted to write quickly went out the window and I decided to write a piece about reconnecting to yourself after a hard time.

Surround yourself with those who mean the most to you

My current healing project

This is unfortunately not my first time at the rodeo. Personal tragedy is a subject I am familiar with and intimately know. I’m not going to trauma dump on all of you. What I’ve been through isn’t the topic, it’s what I’ve done over the years to find my way back to myself after these hard events. One of the biggest things is to let those around you know there’s just something going on. Specifics or not, it’s good to let people know-hey. Things have been a bit harder and I might seem off. It just saves time later down the road from someone pulling you aside and asking what’s up. This is putting you first. Letting people know you might not be as available as you once were, and there’s nothing to feel bad about. The next step is to also maybe take some space from those who can’t respect that boundary. Someone isn’t giving you the time to heal? Well just force the time and remove yourself as needed. A true friend, family member or someone cares will understand. This time is for yourself.

Something that’s always helped me reconnect is art of some kind. Different medias of art, basically anything that invokes passion and creativity. For a short time I made dried floral art, another time I was heavy into makeup and hair, yarn tapestries, and currently it’s sewing. I had a week off work and I decided to throw all my misplaced emotions into creating a high fashion inspired thrift flip. I found a local event that celebrates sewing and encourages everyone to make an outfit of choice. This helped take all these complex feelings I had and forced them to create. And I’m really proud of how it’s coming along! It’s not quite done yet, but I’ll post a finished styling on my instagram. The pride and devotion to this craft really helped me feel like there is more out there than the pain. 

Another thing I’ve been really enjoying is audio books. I’ve found myself in a bit of a musical rut, and sometimes a rut can lead to spiraling feeling of - well - just stuff I don’t want to feel. I need a distraction, something to keep my mind enhanced. Listening to a good audio book while driving or at work can really help keep the mind not only distracted, but further reflecting. Thinking of something other than the event you’re trying to heal from. If you’re able to move your body or get some fresh air, also, please do so. It’s so key to keep the mind and body feeling useful during a hard time. It can help fight the sinking feeling of being in the pit. The retelling of events in your mind. The paralyzation of what has happened. Recognizing and realizing that you’ve been through a lot and you’re not going to just bounce back is key. You want to keep yourself busy, but also take the rest that is needed. If you’ve ever found yourself in this place, I am sorry. Life can be incredibly difficult at times, and it can seem so harsh. The moments that make it all worth it-cling to them. Seek them. Let the light of them surround you. We’ve spoken about unnecessary self guilt this year, let’s just keep this mental health train going with checking in on you. If things are hard, don’t feel bad for slowing down. Do what needs to be done to reconnect with you. I know I am right now. It’s hard, feels isolating and just can be overwhelming at times. But all we’ve got in life at the end of each day is ourselves. Show up for you.

To send feedback or suggestions for upcoming posts contact ally@shopbetenoire.com

Alternative Style Blog l Not giving into the guilt

Let’s talk seriously with one another for a moment. Are you holding onto something? Something that you need to get off your chest? Something that doesn’t serve you in any positive way? Something that you just can’t get past? Is this something causing you internal self guilt? In my conversations both online and with peers I can’t believe how many of us have our own feelings of guilt we’re constantly carrying around. It can be as small as not playing with your animal one night after a long day at work to something as big as setting a boundary for your wedding. We are all holding onto more self inflicted guilt than we realize, and you know what? I’m sick of mine. Last year I came to this really amazing balance with my mental health and medications. I had clarity! I had motivation! I had this excited outlook for my day to day life. Then at the end of last year up until next week I had a lot of physical health issues that kept me from being able to take this amazing combo of medication that really regulated me. I became lethargic again, the weight of all my thoughts constantly running along side the now physical issues I was dealing with. Let me tell you. I was running on empty. I didn’t work on anything for months, I barely reached out to my loved ones, I couldn’t stand leaving the house, all my bad habits seemed to be amped up to 100. The biggest thing I had going on? Guilt. This giant feeling of guilt just sitting on my chest for not just working through these serious issues I had going on. Where does this guilt come from?! I’m not well, I’m not working at my maximum capacity! I’m barely getting to half of the motivation and physical strength I usually have. Rest is best right now! So why the guilt?!

Sometimes we feel guilt when we don’t give those who depend on us the attention they need. Sometimes we need to take care of ourselves before we can take care of others.

Other times we can feel guilt when taking time for ourselves. Enjoying a night out when we need to be saving money. Taking time at home alone when friends have called us out. Time for us can look different.

I spoke a bit about this on my Instagram the other week and so many people said that they had been feeling similarly in their own ways. I’ve had this conversation with so many people as well. This is an epidemic. A guilt epidemic! The world right now literally feels like it’s up in flames every time I check my social media. I see 2-5 new stories a day that fill me with dread and remorse for the world that I live in. Then the guilt comes in. What more can i do? What more could be done in my community? What difference can I make? But do I have the time, resources and energy? I’ve got XY and Z going on, how can I possibly think of taking on more right now? And that’s just outside guilt that just stacks on top of the things that you have going on in your inner circle. I spoke about weddings earlier and I’m sorry. It comes with guilt! Making cuts to a guest list, scraping a style of hair or makeup in order to please a family member, having to tell someone that they can’t wear something. There’s a million things that are going on in the wedding planning process, and sometimes you’ve got to put your foot down. You’ve got to take care of you. All eyes are going to be on you, you’re celebrating a love that’s so exciting you want to throw a big parry of joy! You need to do what’s going to sit best with you at the end of the day. And this just applies to so many things in our lives!!

There’s been times in my life where things have been hard, I mean ridiculously hard. Times where I didn’t know if I would make it. If I’d ever come back from this. Those times have taught me that you’ve got to focus on you. Drop the guilt, let it go as much as you can and just do what is going to help you heal. Help you make the decision. Help you live with yourself. I recently had a major health scare and it just put so much into perspective for me. I need to take care of myself in the ways that work best for me. Today I set up my sewing machine and sewed for the first time in 5 months, and wow. Can I tell you that the breath of fresh air I felt? Finally feeling like myself again. Like so many others I have an issue with the doom scrolling, and I’m sorry! The way we receive world information now is so insane and random. It can be such a hard hit to your relaxation time. Cat video, styling video, bridal video, craft video and BAM, disaster. Social injustice. Triggering issues that set you back. It can be so much. Sometimes what we need is to step away. Put our phone down for an hour and get into a process that feels healing to us. It can be sewing, crafting, going to the thrift store, online shopping, cooking, calling a loved on, or just sitting down to watch a comfort show again. Be in tune with yourself and know when to step away. And don’t let the guilt consume you. Be nicer to yourself. When someone comes to you sharing their guilt do you say “oh I totally get it, you should feel guilty!” No! You tell them to be nicer to themselves and drop that toxic mindset. Please take the time you need for YOU this year. For whatever. It’s so much easier said than done, but it can be the biggest difference. 5 minutes to 5 weeks? Healing and time for yourself is on a different schedule for everyone, and life can be challenging when it comes time for it. If the time for yourself doesn’t come right away DO NOT FEEL GUILTY FOR WHEN IT DOES. Take it and run with it. Enjoy and love the time you have with you as much as you can.

To send feedback or suggestions for upcoming posts contact ally@shopbetenoire.com

Alternative Style Blog l Exclusive is so out, Inclusivity is in!

I can’t believe I haven’t talked about this before, well, dedicated an entire blog to it.  I'm talking about the importance of inclusivity in fashion! I’m in my 30’s, which means I grew up in the 90’s boom of stick thin, super model figures at every turn. Super skinny was popular across all genres. From scene and emo stick thin skinny jeans to Paris Hilton types, "thin was in" at every turn. I remember the media labeling Jessica Simpson “fat” when she couldn’t have been more than a size 8? Likely a 6 even! It did A LOT to a growing mind; it did a lot to a growing mind interested in fashion. As someone who’s always been drawn to different styles and fashions, for years I felt like I wouldn’t be able to ever figure out where I fit into the world of fashion. Literally fit in. Sizing didn’t go past a 12, maybe 14 in most stores. Hours at the mall spent not being able to get a single thing, maybe one thing? But you didn’t even like it, you just got it because it fit. Oh how things have changed.

I can’t believe for years we spent such a long time not catering to an entire group of people just due to sizing differences. Being able to shop at so many different brands now is such an insane feeling! But where does inclusivity start? Don’t get me wrong, I love being able to get clothes from different brands now! But some clearly don’t understand how to size things properly to fit larger bodies and larger proportions. They just took what they had going on and sized it up, which lots of us life long bigger fashion girlies, gays, and they’s know the difference. Fashion inclusivity means showcasing and thinking of different body types from the ground floor. This includes testing the design on different sizes, making sure that it will fit larger proportions, and making sure that the designs are featured on an array of body types, skin colors, and sizes. I have a hard time imagining what something will look like on a larger body if it’s only being displayed on smaller bodies at every marketing opportunity. Now some will send out inventory to larger bodies to get brownie points, but are they really making the effort to cater to the plus size community when it comes to production?

It was so hard to find models and people in the public eye who weren’t stick thin at every turn.

Ashley Ghram began to pave the way for more body type representation and now we have so many more sizes on the runway.

Don’t get me wrong, fashion is still wildly toxic: The super skinny trend is peaking its way back into the world. Unachievable curves are becoming the new normal. It’s hard to navigate, and always will be! Capitalism and the diet industry will always love to volley off of one another and make us feel like we can’t ever keep up. The important thing is to not fill your shopping time with brands like that. Look for brands that showcase more than one body type, realistic body types, different gender expressions, and skin tones. Knowing a brand actually wants to sell to EVERYBODY is hard to find, but man! It feels good once you do find it. 

Some of my favorite Béte Noire pieces in 4X/5X

One of my favorite parts of Bete Noire is the production side of things that caters to its customers. The care that goes into the consideration of body types, skin tone matching, gender expression, and making sure everyone feels included in the collections is bar none. The sizing for collections goes up to a 5X, and the custom gowns are made to measure. The research and care for more than just one small group of body types is clearly thought of at all levels of production. I just can’t believe we live in a fashion forward world where this is becoming a more common practice! Don’t get me wrong, so many brands have such a long way to come, but hey. It’s happening slowly and surely! Every glamour ghoul should feel represented and cared for! Next time you know of a spooky bride who’s worried about sizing options when coming to getting the perfect gown-don’t even hesitate. We got you. No one should ever have to worry about that! I’m so glad that Béte Noire is always there for them. The bottom line is everyone should have access to clothes, express themselves in fashion and to feel good about themselves!

To send feedback or suggestions for upcoming posts contact ally@shopbetenoire.com

Alternative Style Blog I Don’t be so moody!

We’re well into the first month of the new year. The world seems to be continually setting itself on hard mode. How are we suppose to stay on track of our creative endeavors with all this going on?! Something that really helps me visualize an upcoming project or event theme is mood boards. We’ve spoken about them before, but I’d really like to dive deeper into why I feel like they’re such a key part of creative process. Some of us have major life events this year to plan for! (Who’s got a 2023 goth wedding they’re currently wondering how they’re going to get planned in time?!)  So let’s break down the fundamentals of visualizing and creating an entire mood with visuals.

I’m someone who is almost entirely visual. When it comes to learning and retaining information. When working on a project. When I’m planning a trip!! I need to see it to believe it! Photos and visuals open up my mind to what something can become. There’s tons of ways to create a mood board. Creating a folder on your computer or phone, opening a pinterest account, or the old fashioned method of printing and collaging things together. I do all three actually! I’ve got different forms of visuals for different projects. If you’re an ex (or current) scrapbook queen or had your walls floor to ceiling with photos growing up-this is probably nothing new to you. I’m going to create some mood boards for two of my favorite gowns, and then go over the aesthetic the visuals have painted. Come along with me and step into my mind.

Rhiannon Gown

$1,998.00

I love the Rhiannon gown so much, whenever I see it I feel like I’m transported. I can smell smoke in the distance, be it from a freshly blown out candle or a nearby bonfire. The textures of dried flowers set atop a sea of beautiful lace. It’s a majestic gown, but also has a slight touch of the occult to it. Something spooky and eternal mixed together like those old pulp covers of 70’s mystery novels. You know, the old ones at the back of the antique store. The love witch mixed with the bayou comes to mind. I love this dress for an evening wedding, a reception taking place in a field. Spanish moss hangs from the large tree above the bride. Dried florals and small bottles sit atop antique lace doilies for the centerpieces. An occult wedding with a touch of mystery drenched with a hint of the 1970’s victorian crossover that we all dream of.

Beau Deuil Gown

$1,398.00

The Beau Deuil gown is one of OPPULENCE. You own EVERYTHING, and by everything I’m talking: antique candelabras, an extensive crown collection, a very large ornate mirror sitting behind a large gothic vanity. Gothic princess running around a haunted mansion that sits atop a brooding mountain. The smells of vetiver and fresh flowers fill the velvet draped rooms. The armory is next to the extensive library. This wedding is one in large church with a beautiful ceiling mural. Or in front of the most beautiful mausoleum at dusk. Who doesn’t want their wedding to be memorable, classic and remembered for years to come. This dress, along with this wedding, will be hailed as one of intimidation in the most beautiful way. Way just have a memorable wedding, when you can have an eternal wedding.

I love mood boards and visuals, whenever I’m in a creative rut I just go through my large stock of images that invoke a creative energy to them. I put together worlds and scenes to match the beautiful images. From there it feels like the skies the limit when it comes to creative juices. I hope this helps with any visualizing the future holds for you. May the creative juices start flowing!

To send feedback or suggestions for upcoming posts contact ally@shopbetenoire.com

Alternative Style Blog l So this is 33?

New year, new me, new age! That’s right. I am a Capricorn that is so closely birthed near the new year that it’s insane!! My birthday was on the third! I figured I’d tell y’all about how I treated myself and then also talk about some reflections of the 32 years behind me, and some hopes for my 33rd year ahead of me. 

I can’t say I’m a huge birthday person. I enjoy the acknowledgement, like to celebrate myself, but it’s not a big to do. Back when I was a party girl I would just lump my party into new years (great way to get people to buy your drinks!) but now that I’m slowing down I decided to study from a master. This year for my birthday I met a sloth! Yes, I met a sloth 😭 I went to the National Aviary and took part in their sloth painting encounter! I met Valentino the sloth, fed him some yummy zucchini and he painted me a beautiful photo. It really was so different than any other birthday I’ve ever spent and I loved it! I really wanted to do something this year that would be different, memorable, and wouldn’t leave me curled around a toilet bowl the next day. I guess that’s growing up right? Trading in the shots for sloths. 

2023: looking stylish even when meeting sloths

Valentino swooning the green right out of my hair

Reflecting on the past years of our lives can be a very mixed experience. Memories hold different emotions, some good, some sad and some just leave ya shaking our heads. Just 10 years ago began the spiral of very tough years ahead of me. I lost my dad suddenly in 2013 and with that my entire life changed. Although I faced years of depression, grief and uncertainty-I really felt like I began to live for myself starting after that. my life entirely changed, as did I. Life is so short and not in our control (even when we think it is). We have to take time for ourselves whenever possible. Be the person we want to be before it’s too late. Leaving 32 I can say when it comes to self reflection and my relationship with myself I’m much happier with the person I am now. I find comfort and love within my own company. I’m much happier with the person I see staring back at me in the mirror and look back at my past inner monologue in remorse. I spend most of my 20’s really beating myself up, my self image and perception in the world. It was tough and often times really help me back. Fighting through that and also slowly just not giving a fuck really made me have to put my foot down. I’m going to start being nicer to myself dammit! I want to continue to do that going into my 33rd year. I need to hold onto that mentality and self love. Even though I have way more of it, I still have the not so nice things to say to myself. 

23 vs 33

23 year old me: scared, unsure of the future, but deciding to start being the version of myself I always imagined.

33 year old me: thriving, much more self realized, still uncertain of herself, but excited to see what’s ahead

I’ve had a lot of beautiful moments in my life so far! So many amazing memories to reflect back on. I also have a lot of loss and grief. Going into my 33rd year I’d like to take care of some old wounds. Continue working on hard times that have come and gone instead of just trying to not think about them. A lot of healing is in front of me for this year of my life, and with that a lot of hardship. That may make me feel weak at times, but ultimately I will be stronger from it.

Being 33 should be interesting! I can’t wait to see what the year ahead holds and what memories will come from it! I know we’ve had two reflection of time and new beginnings blogs back to back (curse that new years birthday!) goth and fashion blogs to resume in the near year 😘

To send feedback or suggestions for upcoming posts contact ally@shopbetenoire.com

Alternative Style Blog I New year, new me?

So it’s the end of the year, and Capricorn season is officially upon us! Some people dread the dawning of a new year, some don’t think twice about it, and some love the idea of it! Personally, being a Capricorn Sun myself, I love the new year! I always feel the charge of the season and what’s to come. I’ve got my 2023 planner started and have begun the reflection (goodbye!) of 2022. This year was one of ups and downs, but what year isn’t? To reflect on an entire year can be humbling, but also hurtful. Here’s some of the things I try to keep in mind when it comes to reflection and going forward.

This year brought Beetlejuice into our lives

I explored lots of different looks and creatively branched out more than I ever have in fashion.

We had our first big all out Halloween decor at our house.

Leaving a year in disappointment with one self is never a good setup for the following year. “2022 wasn’t for me, but 2023 is going to change all that!” The reality is life is unpredictable and never fully in our control. Don’t be so hard on the shortcomings you may have felt in this year. The world is already so hard to live in! Why add being hard on yourself to that list (so easier said than done, I’m my own biggest hater). Maybe take the things you didn’t love about this year and see what small tweaks could lead to better habits in the new year? Maybe that’s just how you talk to yourself! Be more positive, more loving affirmations. We’re not put on this planet just to lose weight and pay bills! Be kind to your body (and mind): You’re going to be together for a long time. I personally am going into 2023 trying to compare myself less to others. Sometimes I see the success and creativity of others as a reflection of my own lack of motivation. That’s not it! Everyone has different lives, skills, motivation, and time in their schedule. I need to just measure my own worth within my own capacity.

In 2023 I also really want to push myself to try listening to what my body wants instead of thinking I know what that bitch needs. I worked out a ton at the start of this year, and it felt amazing! Felt strong! And then fell off due to traveling and change of work. That’s okay! There’s nothing wrong with leaving the year differently than how I started it. Now my body does feel more stagnant and heavy, just due to lack of movement. Instead of weighing myself and feeling like, "Wow. I need to get back to the gym, I’m listening to my bones crack when I get up." Bitch, you need to stretch! Physical success isn’t measured by waist size and numbers. It’s how good you feel just existing in your natural form. Which is difficult for people of all shapes and sizes!

The new year is full of opportunities, reflection, and just trying to make it in this crazy world. Remember that you’re doing your best! Regardless of this year, next year, 2 years from now, whatever! Time is weird, celebrate your smallest victories, and try to leave the feelings that don’t serve you in 2022. I’d personally like to say thank you to everyone who’s been reading this blog throughout the year. This has been one of my favorite endeavors that 2022 gave me! See y’all next year! Be safe. 🖤

To send feedback or suggestions for upcoming posts contact ally@shopbetenoire.com

Alternative Style Blog I 'Tis the season for stress

Happy holidays! The end of the year is here! Which also happens to be one of the toughest times of the year. Holidays! Maybe you work in retail or public service and it’s just pure chaos until January. Maybe you’re dreading a family gathering and all the comments that come along with it. Maybe you’re just not in the mood for the season! Holidays are hard! But you’re not alone in that boat. There’s so many out there who can’t wait for the holidays to pass. So from one grinch to another: here’s my holiday guide to just getting through it. 

I’ve worked retail during the holidays, gone through holidays during a time of grief, and I’ll forever be the weirdest family member at a holiday dinner. Here’s some of the things that help me. 1. Alcohol-kidding! I’m kidding! (Well not for that family dinner part, that does help) What really helps me is a reminder that it’s just a month until a fresh start. Maybe it’s my Capricorn Sun sign, but I always look forward to a fresh new year. Keeping that in mind while the holiday season is in full swing really helps me count down the days. A new year is a time to set new goals, reflect on the year in passing, and see what I want to do going forward. But we’ll save all that for the last blog of the year! Eye on the prize! Just make it to that point.

Showing up to the holiday party dressed down

sale

Siren Veil

Sale Price:$55.00 Original Price:$89.00

Another thing that really helps is reaching out when you need it most. Check up with selected family and friends who always cheer you up. I’m making a lot of presents this year for all the people I love most, so just keeping them in mind helps a lot. Another part of the holiday season is realizing maybe when you’ve hit a wall. Step away when needed! Let friends and family know you’re alright and you just need that space. People who are with you no matter what will understand if one week you’re all talk and the next week you need a break. Holidays bring out unexpected feelings. Joy and sadness can both co-exist in a time like this without you even realizing it!

Tis the season to surround yourself with those you love most

Pets count too!

A big part of the holiday season is to just be you! As every month of the year goes by, rock what you want to rock! Dress in what makes you feel best! And roll your eyes here and there at the remarks. For years I was asked to dress down for holiday events, and you know what??? I’m sorry you’re not living it up and being as fabulous as me! Some of us just know how to make a statement. Rock some of your new Black Friday gifts to yourself! Or just go with something that makes you feel good, be it a statement outfit or something more subdued. The holidays are about giving! But I also think it’s just as important to give yourself the space and safe place to make it through them. I’m always torn emotionally during the holiday season, so just checking in on myself a bit more than usual is really important. There’s nothing wrong with not being cheerful and bright like all the songs say. I hope everyone does have a happy holiday! No matter what that looks like! 

To send feedback or suggestions for upcoming posts contact ally@shopbetenoire.com

Alternative Style Blog I Thanksgiving? More like ThanksLIVING!

The holidays are upon us y'all! Now I realize Thanksgiving isn’t the best historical holiday the US has (I mean? Which one isn’t problematic? 🤷‍♀️) and visiting family can be an ordeal all on its own. Don’t get me started on retail workers on Thanksgiving (I salute you.) As someone who wasn’t near family growing up I never really viewed Thanksgiving as this major deal. Most of the time it was just my mother and I, we’d get dressed up, and eat at a fancy buffet. We'd see a movie afterwards and just relax the day away. Thanksgiving isn’t that for everyone; it can be one of the most stressful days of the year! Ahh! So sometimes it can be easier to get wrapped up in that stress instead of reflecting on the things we are thankful for! So! That’s what I’m going to use this week's blog for! Hope y’all don’t mind too much!

This year has been an interesting year in my personal creative endeavors. I’ve had a lot more opportunities, worked with new mediums, and have just overall felt a lot more creatively inspired! I’m so thankful for the spark of creativity that has kept coming back. I’ve also gotten to a great place with my mental health, and really learned a lot about myself this year. It’s a continuous journey, but knowing what really works best for you is such an eye opener. That goes hand in hand with the relationships in your life. I am so thankful for my wonderful husband. He is so supportive of all I do and I can’t imagine having anyone else in my corner. All my amazing friends! I moved far away from most of my friends a few years ago and it’s been so nice to still stay so connected. Massive shout out to my girl Rachel! She proofreads my blogs for me so y’all don’t get too confused with my terrible mistakes. Couldn’t be doing this without you girl! 

Thankful for getting this little guy this year!!

A large thing I’m thankful for this year is this opportunity. Working for Bête Noire has been one of the highlights of my year. It’s creatively fulfilling, incredibly inspirational, and has helped my self-confidence blossom, and show me what I’m capable of. Alicia really has created a size inclusive, non-gender specific, alternative couture company that is just killing it! There are so many collaborations with different stylists/creatives and with so much still on the horizon! I can’t wait to see what comes next for Bête Noire! 

The state of the world is stressful, and our personal lives on top of that can sometimes test the limits even further. Take the time to remind yourself of what you are thankful for! Who you’re thankful for! And hopefully you enjoyed some good food! Bête Noire is so thankful for the support, love, and business everyone has given us over this past year! Our Black Friday sale includes 15% off everything and free shipping over sales of $150. We also have an exclusive Black Friday launch of the latest pieces from our Glam Goth collaboration! A limited edition black heart variant of the popular sacred heart necklace! Thank you again everyone 🖤

To send feedback or suggestions for upcoming posts contact ally@shopbetenoire.com

*PRE-ORDER The Sacred Heart Necklace - Noire

$95.00

Alternative Style Blog I Defining Your Aesthetic

Determining your own personal style is a wonderful, ever-growing journey. Sometimes it can be exciting! You’ve just found a style that you love and can’t wait to make it a part of your daily life! In the vast alternative sub-genre of fashion there’s so many options out there! How do you choose? Where do you get started? I find making mood boards, a saved collection of style inspirations, and having a readily available visual aid when shopping keeps me on track. Surely you can’t recreate every outfit you see to be an exact replica, but it can come close! The vibes are there! I also find getting more accessories that can make a basic outfit easily go to one in your desired aesthetic goes a long way as well.

Sold Out

DeVille Shrug

$99.00

Figuring out and embracing your newly loved style is fun! But sometimes it can be discouraging, and it can also be a challenge. In a world of social media perfection and comparison, it can feel as if you’re lost at times with your style, or you’re not measuring up to others. Well, I’m here to tell you that’s all in your head, babes! Fashion is fun! So let’s talk about that! A big issue I come across is seeing my fashion inspirations on much different body types than mine. Sometimes the thought can creep into my mind: hm, would that even look good on me? Well, you never know until you try. Fashion is for EVERY BODY. Just because the fashion industry is besties with the diet industry, doesn’t mean you need to be a “sample size” to serve a look. See an outfit that doesn’t come in your size, just start looking for other brands that do cater to your style and size! Don’t get discouraged and stop the process. Everyone can rock a unique style!

Lastly, embrace as many different styles as you want! Sometimes it’s easy to feel boxed in once you’ve gotten all this stuff for the newly found “this is it!” style. You’ve put so much time and effort into curating this unique way of self expression, but then, this other style looks so fun too. Should I venture out and try that? Or stick to this, because I made a big deal about this. Embrace it all! We all want to “be on brand” or have a recognizable look, but that can be so many things! Fashion is fun, unique and ever changing! So are you 🖤

To send feedback or suggestions for upcoming posts contact ally@shopbetenoire.com

Alternative Style Blog | The Creative Process Is Hard!

With Halloween in the air, creative inspiration is flowing from me! I figured I’d dedicate this week's post to harnessing and acting upon inspiration. It can be so hard to get the juices flowing, and almost even harder to harness them once creativity strikes! I personally struggle with taking on too much at once, which then ultimately leads to burnout and self destruction. So, not only for everyone who reads my blogs, but also for myself, here’s a newly formatted guide to using your creativity to the fullest!

The first thing I try to do when tapping into that creative space is to design a visual “mood board” or something to that extent from where I can draw my inspiration. This is something that can be so helpful going into any new project! A really large creative endeavor that many of us take on is planning the overall theme or mood for our weddings. I’ll use my wedding as an example going forward to illustrate and break down what really helped me. The key words for my mood board were romantic, soft goth, classical, and divine. I created multiple folders on Pinterest or my phone and just collected tons of reference photos. Then I adjusted what it would realistically look like within our budget. The most perfect wedding inspiration you can find may be way out of budget, but that doesn’t mean you can’t still evoke that feeling at your wedding.

Speaking of budget--that’s the next step! Create a realistic budget for the project. What are the "musts" and the "probably not as important". Looking up less expensive options or itemizing everything and going from there. A large must have at weddings are dresses. I personally started with dress, venue, and worked from there. I went with what my budget was for each. Now with my dress, it was a must have. So I worked with that and saw what I would have left over to put back into the budget. I found a venue that my husband and I both liked. Then florals, which did have to take a hit. I knew I wanted atmospheric florals, a large bouquet, and a smaller version for my bridal party. The place settings at each table though, oh man that added up. So instead of having a floral department create settings for each table,I made them myself! I thrifted all the pieces and used artificial fruit/flowers. My table had all the bells and whistles, and the rest had crafted things that I made. The over-the-top expensive Pinterest wedding isn’t always a must. You can create your own special atmosphere with the right items. But time is totally something that you need to factor in as well!

Photo By Bill Kirms

Photo by Alana Roobert

Let’s just get right into it. Time! I luckily had a schedule at the time that allowed me to take on most of the planning. That is not the reality for everyone, and now that I work a lot more I don’t have that time to put into my new creative endeavors. I miss it! So asking for help, hiring someone or outsourcing some of the tasks, having a craft night with friends, however it looks. Take the time you need to designate the length and time needed to go into the project. Burn out and feeling overwhelmed is real! And you don’t want to stress yourself out over something that could have been possibly handed by someone else. That goes right into the last big step of the creative planning process:

Take the time to enjoy what you’ve created. I personally can be really hard on myself before I even get to the end of a project. I tend to take on an internal dialogue of “you’re not doing this fast enough” or “this isn’t good enough” so by the time I'm done, I've already gotten it into my head that it’s failed. Being proud of the work you put into the project, event, piece, WHATEVER is just as important as being proud of the outcome! Being creative is rewarding and beautiful. It is also demanding and critical. Taking the time to put your process out into the world is scary, but just be proud that you’ve done it in the first place. I’m proud of you! I hope these steps help with going into any of your future creative endeavors and especially the wedding planning process! It’s your special day! Be sure to enjoy it!

Photo By Alana Roobert - Dress by Maria Heller Designs

"To send feedback or suggestions for upcoming posts contact ally@shopbetenoire.com”

Alternative Style Blog | Tis' the Season

Happy spooky season!! Is anyone else absolutely thriving and feel like they are in their element once Halloween is in the air?! It’s my favorite time of the year and the best time to let those creative juices flow! Building Halloween looks is one of my all time favorite pastimes. I’ve also always been a fan of making or thrifting a great Halloween look; usually because I want to wear some of the pieces individually once Halloween is over. Recycle & reuse applies to Halloween costumes too. Are you still wondering, "Oh my god, what should I do for my costume?" Are you also thinking about what you should get next for your upcoming Bête Noire purchase? Well, here’s some accessories and casual pieces that could help you create that perfect spooky look!

Do you have a leftover veil from your wedding? Are you ordering one for your upcoming one?! Well, the beautiful ones that we have in stock will help give you that extra drama!

Our smaller veils (Onyx, Lucie, and Siren) could be used for:
Helena from the My Chemical Romance video, Mia Goth, black widow, ect.

The larger veils could be for all those looks but with a more dramatic flair! Also, these veils would be perfect for the ghost from Insidious, a Victorian mourner, or a super glamorous Bloody Mary!

Is anyone a 90s witch-a-holic!? Specifically The Craft? The Hail Mary rosary necklace is perfect for Nancy from The Craft! Want to make it even more over-the-top? For someone who really wants to be Nancy, but amped up, definitely go with the Adonia statement necklace.

Hail Mary Rosary Necklace

$48.00

The most obvious, and most amazing choice, is a fabulous Lily Munster look using the Munstarr pendant! It's a win-win, and I wear this necklace weekly. I just adore it!

The veil ami momento necklace is simple, sweet, and easily in my weekly rotation as well! I think it would be perfect for a Monster High girl or goth Cher from Clueless! It could really go with a lot!

Finally, the baneful long tee. I mean, leather daddy Beetlejuice anyone?!? Throw a harness over top, some nice black pants, and the Beetlejuice makeup!! Come on!! Take a classic, elevate it, and make it sexy as hell!!!

These were just a few off the top of my head! The benefit is that you get to keep some amazing pieces for your regular rotation! Hell, maybe you’ve got some of these at home already! Happy Halloween! Be spooky! And enjoy the best time of the year!!!

To send feedback or suggestions for upcoming posts contact ally@shopbetenoire.com