So I saw this video on tiktok a few weeks ago and I thought, wow! What a good way to see just how much our brains can trick us into thinking we’re just not it. This girl had taken photos of herself when she felt ugly, and she had also taken photos of herself when she felt beautiful. Once comparing themselves to one another she realized so much of it was in her head. The photos had little to no difference! I thought that was just such a powerful realization, that sometimes you need to take that step back and realize. Woah. Some of this is in my head. So that’s what I had planned for this week. I was planning on taking photos of myself when I felt my best and my worst-then I was going to compare them. Talk about what I felt at the times of the photos, and what I learned. I took one photo of myself and quickly realized, wow. I don’t think I feel anything. Good, bad, ugly, beautiful? Nothing. I feel more disconnected to myself than I have in years right now. 2023 hasn’t been my year YALL. The last thing on my mind is my appearance. Which is both a good and bad thing. I don’t recognize the person I’m staring back at in the mirror. I don’t see me. So! What I wanted to write quickly went out the window and I decided to write a piece about reconnecting to yourself after a hard time.

This is unfortunately not my first time at the rodeo. Personal tragedy is a subject I am familiar with and intimately know. I’m not going to trauma dump on all of you. What I’ve been through isn’t the topic, it’s what I’ve done over the years to find my way back to myself after these hard events. One of the biggest things is to let those around you know there’s just something going on. Specifics or not, it’s good to let people know-hey. Things have been a bit harder and I might seem off. It just saves time later down the road from someone pulling you aside and asking what’s up. This is putting you first. Letting people know you might not be as available as you once were, and there’s nothing to feel bad about. The next step is to also maybe take some space from those who can’t respect that boundary. Someone isn’t giving you the time to heal? Well just force the time and remove yourself as needed. A true friend, family member or someone cares will understand. This time is for yourself.

Something that’s always helped me reconnect is art of some kind. Different medias of art, basically anything that invokes passion and creativity. For a short time I made dried floral art, another time I was heavy into makeup and hair, yarn tapestries, and currently it’s sewing. I had a week off work and I decided to throw all my misplaced emotions into creating a high fashion inspired thrift flip. I found a local event that celebrates sewing and encourages everyone to make an outfit of choice. This helped take all these complex feelings I had and forced them to create. And I’m really proud of how it’s coming along! It’s not quite done yet, but I’ll post a finished styling on my instagram. The pride and devotion to this craft really helped me feel like there is more out there than the pain. 

Another thing I’ve been really enjoying is audio books. I’ve found myself in a bit of a musical rut, and sometimes a rut can lead to spiraling feeling of - well - just stuff I don’t want to feel. I need a distraction, something to keep my mind enhanced. Listening to a good audio book while driving or at work can really help keep the mind not only distracted, but further reflecting. Thinking of something other than the event you’re trying to heal from. If you’re able to move your body or get some fresh air, also, please do so. It’s so key to keep the mind and body feeling useful during a hard time. It can help fight the sinking feeling of being in the pit. The retelling of events in your mind. The paralyzation of what has happened. Recognizing and realizing that you’ve been through a lot and you’re not going to just bounce back is key. You want to keep yourself busy, but also take the rest that is needed. If you’ve ever found yourself in this place, I am sorry. Life can be incredibly difficult at times, and it can seem so harsh. The moments that make it all worth it-cling to them. Seek them. Let the light of them surround you. We’ve spoken about unnecessary self guilt this year, let’s just keep this mental health train going with checking in on you. If things are hard, don’t feel bad for slowing down. Do what needs to be done to reconnect with you. I know I am right now. It’s hard, feels isolating and just can be overwhelming at times. But all we’ve got in life at the end of each day is ourselves. Show up for you.

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